Who-sane's

Back in the good old days, we used to spend most of our summer vacations at our grandma’s houses in Jordan. For some reason, me and my siblings would call my mother’s mother ’Taita’ and my father’s mother ’Jiddeh’. This one is about Jiddeh.

Jiddeh was an extraordinary woman and … well I just realized that trying to describe her in few words would be an exercise in futility. But anyhow … Jiddeh got married when she was 14 and gave birth to 16 boys and girls, 2 of whom died bil “taljeh el kbeereh” [the big snow storm], which apparently was one of the most important incidents that took place back in the 40’s or 50’s of the 20th century, to the extent that people used to chronicle events according to the date, such as a baby’s birth, so if someone was asked when he/she was born he/she would answer either before or after the big snow storm.

Our favorite part of the day would begin when Jiddeh finishes her chores and have us gather around her so she’d tell us one of her tales, and boy were they amusing! And every tale she told had a moral towards the end of it which we had to figure out on our own and we (being the spoiled brats that we were) never got most of them. I still remember some of her tales, and I honestly can’t wait to have children so I’d tell them to them. One of her witty tales that took me ages to get (which has a similar Frog-scorpion version of it) goes like this:

It wasn’t until a decade or two later that many of her tales (which me and my brother were recollecting today) started making sense to me. Allah yir7amik ya Jiddeh … you were so simple yet so witty, so wise..

This just happened a couple of hours ago and I’m still absentminded with the whole situation!

Setting: My direct boss sitting behind her desk, with her boss sitting on one of the two chairs in front of her desk, crossing one leg over the other, his left bare foot on his right, talking while playing with the ugly toes of his ugly left foot with his ugly right hand, like there’s no tomorrow!

I walk in with a big smile on my face.

He stands up, pulls out the same right hand, that a moment ago was thoroughly unearthing the ugly stuff between his toes, and gives me a really firm hand shake, as if shaking the hand of his long-lost brother.

Ever the talker, he asks me 7 or 8 questions – all different versions of ’How are you?’ – and I respond with 7 or 8 answers – all different versions of ’I’m fine thank you!’ – all while clinging on to my hand like a drowning man.

After making sure I’m sincerely fine, and that he had successfully transferred every kind of a germ that could possibly exist between any two toes to my hand, he slowly loosened his grip and set my soul free.

Now isn’t that just a wonderful way to start your week?!

So it’s World Environment Day today!

This year’s World Environment Day’s theme is ’Melting Ice – a Hot Topic?’ … but needless to say, the topic is not that hot in our region, as I can’t recall any significant efforts exerted by governments, ministries or even individuals.

Anyways, so the earth is burning: that’s a fact. Another fact is that it’ll probably take ages (perhaps less) till it really affect us, and we’ll all probably die without really noticing it, heck some people would love that nice tan it’s giving them. Selfish? Yes, yet human.

Now what really touched me more than anything else during the UNEP presentation for World Environment Day is not the fact that insurance companies are suffering ever-increasing economic losses due to weather-related disasters, (they’re making millions anyways, so less millions won’t really make them starve), not the fact that indigenous people are relocating due to climate change (so what if they relocate? I relocated!), and not the fact that coastal cities can sink under water causing millions to evacuate (relocate again!), but what really touched me is the fact that polar bears are drowning already because of ’Melting Ice’!

The whole earth is warming, but the Arctic is warming twice as fast as the global average! The area of the Arctic Ocean covered by ice each summer has been shrinking, and the remaining ice is becoming less thick. Since 1980, between 20 and 30 per cent of sea ice in the European Arctic has been lost!

The polar bear’s Latin name is Ursus maritimus, which means ’sea bear’ because polar bears depend on sea ice, where they hunt seals and use ice corridors to move from one area to another. Pregnant females build winter dens in areas with thick snow cover. They have not eaten for five to seven months when they emerge with their cubs in the spring. They need good spring sea-ice conditions for their own and their cubs’ survival.

Those poor defenseless beautiful animals who have no idea what Man has done to them are starving and drowning because they sometimes have to swim for as far as a 100 miles without finding a solid slice of ice to rest on, and if they did, they’d be too tired to hunt. Scientists have already documented multiple deaths of polar bears in Alaska, where they drowned after swimming very long distances.

While our region is not considerably contributing to global warming, and while China and the US remain the two main polluters, our apathy and indifference will have a serious effects in the long run.

Finally can you, me, us, make a difference?

Absolutely! I drafted a list of simple steps that individual can take to help save the environment. Contact me to get a copy as they’re too verbose to be posted.

On a relevant note: The Green Idol

Leonardo DiCaprio is a wonderful example of a true environmentalist, and he really seems to believe in the cause and is not just doing it for the sake of PR. DiCaprio is an active environmentalists who launched his own environmental website and currently sits on the boards of the Natural Resources Defense Council and Global Green USA.

He drives a hybrid car and lives in a solar-paneled home and is co-writing and producing “The 11th Hour“, a documentary about planet Earth in crisis. He’s been dubbed Green Idol by Vanity Fair magazine, and he really is. I think we’re looking at the second Al Gore here.

Happy World Environment Day!

After buying more than a dozen DVDs from the DVD-man, he thought I was a good customer and suggested he’d call me whenever he gets a new DVD collection. Here’s a shortened version of the intelligent conversation I had with him:

DVD-Man: Wussa you numba seh?

Who-sane: 050-yadi yadi yad, blah blah blah

DVD-Man: Ann wussa you name seh?

Who-sane: Who-sane

DVD-Man: Yes yes, missa Who-say?

Who-sane: No no … it’s W-H-O … S-A-N-E … WHO-SANE

DVD-Man: Welcome Missa WOO-SAY

Who-sane: No! Not WOO-SAY… My name is W-HO–S-A-N-E … Like Saddam Hussein, you know? (that usually works)

DVD-Man: Yes, yes I know. Missa Fuuu-say

Who-sane: Nooooo, NOT FU-SAY! Who-SANE … like King Hussein?

DVD-Man (confidently): Aaaah, YES YES YES. (FINALLY, I thought)

DVD-Man (with a big grin): Kung-Fu-Sane!!

Who-sane (after a long pause): Yes. Exactly. That’s my name: Kung-Fu-Sane!